Thursday, October 26, 2006

- DILEMMA.. -

todae was a v tiring day..slept at 2+ den woke up at 6+ to prepare to go to sch..den sch was so boring la..sians 1/2..eng was cancelled..den maths do on a maths ws..boring -.=..after reach home slept until 5+..den bathe le..bake cakes gib ppl..at first i was reluctant to do so..but then she wouldn't eat and she's sick with gastric..i was like wth..haish..den went ther sit for awhile den go off ler..i was reluctant to go ther becuz its damn far..and transport ish ex..somemore at nite..creepy la..keep got sounds..scare de hell out of me..den went goin home..i alight at woodlands mrt..den bought bk meal and walked home..damn long no eat fast food..haha..quites nice..now v tired..lol...im in a v dilemmatic situation..haish..joce said smtg a few days ago that kept whirling in my mind..becuz it was how i feel last time..these few days when i rethink about it..it did made sense..hu would be so stupid to do that stupid thing rite..even i also cant believe it..haish..i seem like a toy being fooled and played along..i sometimes think to myself..am i being used as a fren or as a toy..becuz my life seemed meaningless..if given me a choice to choose between online and reality..of cuz i would choose reality..becuz thats wher all my frens and i ar in..but then toking to her..was like having a special feeling..she's so damn mysterious..so wad if im her dotter..i feel we exist in 2 diff worlds..she noes so much about me..but wad about me? i dun even noe anything about her..dun even say bout seeing her?..i envy my frens whom also hab god dad n god mums..they ar so damn close la..it just made me feel so alone..like we ar in diff parts of the world..and can only be connected by technology..wth la..its v miserable..if days were to pass like that..i might as well ceased it right at this very moment..becuz i feel so threatened..it always made my tears roll down even thou i dun feel like crying at all..i dun wan this kinda life..i wana normal simple life..can u give me that..i dun wana play hide and seek anymore..i not a kid..im already wad..16 yr old?..cmon..haish..everytime i talk about this..my headache would act up..and in test channel main..u wouldn't allow me to say about the tuition with ur cousin or etc..wth? is ther something to hide or wad? and i cannot pm dad and ask n clarify things..its so ridiculous..and the worst thing is..both of u gals always say things like opposite of each other..which i do not noe hu is telling de truth..its so frustrating..both of ur resembles almost the same..it always made me suspect whether ur ar the same person or not..im in a lost..i really duno..i just wish im locked up in my room and do nth at all..just slp n slp..and no communication to the outside world..except my family and relatives..becuz those ar whom i can rely on..but i doubt they undrstand how i feel either..sighs..if only time could turn back..back to the gd old days during primary sch..how great can life be..being an immature kid and just playing around with frens..and nv grow up..hais..i really duno le la..i hate lies..who the hell created them..why cant everyone just tell the truth..lies ar influential..once lieing..forever lieing..understand?like the boy who cried wolf..but it doesn't mean u cant be a changed person anymore..i will lie when i suspects that another person is lieing to me..i hav a v revengeful mindset..so dun try me..well i tink i should stop thinking and go to slp now..confessions will results in no regrets..i hav too many regrets becuz i dun hav de guts to confess..haish..kk stop now stop now..later i write more..gd nites..bb..lastly b4 i go..i just wan u to noe that u ar special..but we jus dun understand each other..u get wad i mean..hais..kk bb..ps..i will always rmb ur saying..once ur dotter,4ever ur dotter..likewise for me..well take care..

beex never ending fairytales- 8:51 AM

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